Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
