Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
