peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
