my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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