I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
did you just send me my own nude
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
