My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
