I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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