Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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