I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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