I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
