If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
