Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
