the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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