Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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