There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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