my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
