she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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