So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
