woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
