Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
