I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
