I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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