your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
