she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
