OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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