Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
