As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
