Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
