my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
