Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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