im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
