My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
