I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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