I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
