finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
