those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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