Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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