There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
