Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
