you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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