If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
