I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
