dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
