like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
