Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
