I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
