And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
