is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
