i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I could make wine with my vomit
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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