i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
how does that bad decision feel?
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