So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
