Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Help. Why am I so naked?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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