dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
