sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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