I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
